Ramblings about being a man and some fatherly advice.
Apparently today there is something wrong with acting too much like a man. I hear that it means you have insecurities, your sexist, misogynist, have an old school mentality, or just plain toxic. I’m sure that some guys do take it too far and can be considered some of those things. But they are the exception. And I think people should realize that. I for one refuse to change. Or maybe I’m just too old to change. And, as I think most people do, I judge others by the standards I was raised with. My first impression is impacted heavily by your handshake, what you do for work, how do you treat others, how are your manners, what kind of relationship do you have with your family and how is your body language when you talk to me. I was giving my daughter a hard time because her boyfriend is shy and doesn’t talk very much. She told me that he is intimidated by me because I’m big, look angry and drink straight whiskey for lunch. I don’t see how that is intimidating but it doesn’t matter because I see what’s important either way. He didn’t limp wrist his handshake. He has a good job and a place of his own. He spends lots of time helping his parents. He has things that he is passionate about and most importantly, he makes my daughter happy. Don’t get me wrong. Just because a guy meets all the characteristics doesn’t mean that he won’t have flaws or even huge red flags. But it is a good start. You just have to remember that just because someone else steps in doesn’t mean your job is over.
I guess that sometimes even I go a bit overboard. I don’t know if it’s toxic masculinity. But what can I say, I like guy stuff. I love the mountains, trucks, fire, chainsaws, guns, knives, tools, Poker, hunting, fishing, blowing things up, smoking cigars, whiskey, and a bunch of other things, most of which aren’t really good for me. I’ve been known to joke and call people out when they aren’t living up to the standards. I am a little too honest at times. I’m not the most compassionate person. And most of the time when asking how things are going, I really don’t care. The answer is, “Fine”. But I try to always be courteous, well mannered, polite, accepting, and an overall good person. I do my best to ensure that everyone around me is provided for and feels safe. I’m confident that I do a good job providing those things for my family. Not so sure I always succeed with everyone else. But my point is that those are the key values of being a man.
Family and friends know that I wasn’t always the best version of myself. I spent a good chunk of my life literally being the guy that your parents warn you about. I was a horrible friend, made really bad decisions and learned every lesson the hard way. But that life helped shape me into the man I am today. I learned to appreciate the lessons I learned when I was younger. And, because they know that I learned from experience, I think they listen to my advice a little more. I know they listen better than I did. I think that every parent’s goal for their kids is that they simply do better and have it easier than they did growing up. So, I try to pass on the lessons I learned from my dad and from my past. I try and teach them about things I was never taught, like money and credit. I’m sure that all my kids would agree that they have heard me say, “You are who you hang out with” about a million times. But I believe that to be one of the truest things I have ever learned in my life. They have been taught to be independent but not too proud to ask for help. How to clean up their own mess and appreciate what they have. To do what they say they are going to. Have respect for themselves and others. How not to be afraid to take chances. And about a million other things, some of which I probably don’t even know that they learned from me. Needless to say, I am proud of the people they are becoming.
Obviously, I wasn’t joking about having less control of your emotions the older you get. I probably sound like a sappy old man. Oh well, I once read that nobody wants to hear your opinion unless you’re willing to be real and honest. Well, I’m good at that. I have to say, it makes me feel honored and good about myself when people ask my advice or opinion. Besides helping to raise my kids and their friends. I have had the opportunity to be interviewed by multiple publications and news outlets, be a regular guest on a podcast, assist thousands of customers, mentor other business managers/owners, and worked with tons of organizations helping them to raise money and support for their cause. It’s humbling to know that I have been able to impact so many folks. But I know that I couldn’t have accomplished any of that if not for the lessons I learned. That and the people I have chosen to surround myself with. After all, I’m nothing special. Just a man doing the best he can to set a good example.